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Samantha Barnes

Some Helpful Back to School Tips

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After the challenges families have faced over the past 18 months, kids finally get to be kids again – sort of… We’ve asked for some helpful back to school tips for all the parents out there.

A New School Year

This upcoming school year means having a more regular schedule, meeting up with friends again and getting to show up in new school clothes. Great for kids and parents, right?

Parents Get a Break

While there are still many COVID concerns with all the latest variants, parents will be relieved not having to help teach the kids between Zoom meetings as has certainly happened. Thank Heavens.

Unfortunately many children may be even more apprehensive about going back into the class room. Those same children may have found being at home a safe haven both mentally and physically. Now there will be strangers and new teachers to contend with – along with COVID protocols to learn.

Going back to school is another big change. A new setting, especially for those just beginning or heading into high school is difficult for many. All of a sudden kids are expected to know what they’re doing. What a huge change from being at home to now being back in school.

Samantha Barnes of Sweet Spot Family Counselling Services offers these helpful back to school tips.

Tip #1 – Change

Accept that change is difficult for everyone and that there will be an adjustment period that may last longer than you think.

If you’re not sure if your child is having a tough time with the back to school transition, think about how they normally act when they’re stressed and look for those behaviours. For instance, watch for stomach or headaches. This may be caused by anxieties they’re feeling if they become frequent. Once you recognize what they tend to do under stress, you’ll be better able to understand the changes they’re dealing with.

Tip #2 – Routines

It can help to keep routines at home as predictable as possible, use calendars and weekly family meetings to talk about the week ahead and any changes that may occur. Encourage your children, especially younger ones, to talk about their feelings. With older children, allow their thoughts and concerns with upcoming events.

Tip #3 – Downtime

Allow for quiet or down time after school and/or unstructured play to release pent up energy. Kids need time to decompress and reset after school. If you move them too fast into chores or homework, it may backfire. Kids need time to regulate their bodies and emotions. Just like we need to kick back a bit after work, our kids need space from the rigors of the day as well.

Tip #4 – Be a Safe Person

Be a safe person for your children to vent and talk out their frustrations. Try to listen without problem solving for them. Instead, focus on validating their feelings and reminding them that they’re doing a good job managing through difficult times.

Tip #5 – Talk to a Professional

If things seem to be getting worse instead of better over time or your child seems depressed or anxious it may be time to reach out to a mental health professional to get some extra support.

Raising kids during a pandemic hasn’t been easy on anyone. When parents try to push through the tough times or troubleshoot everything on their own – the situation can become very challenging – and draining.

Take care of yourself as a parent or you’ll not be any help to your kids. The best role model you can be is the person who takes care of themselves and then takes care of their kids.

If things are beyond your control, reach out for assistance. Recognizing the need for additional professional help is half the battle won.

Filed Under: Teens/Children

How To Help Your Child Who Is Being Bullied

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Watching your child endure bullying and harassment from their peers is a difficult and painful experience for most parents. We want our children to be happy and healthy, and when they hurt, we hurt.

Whether they’re at school or just looking at Snapchat on their phones, it can be virtually impossible to try and intervene or attempt to stop bullying behavior. Although you can take steps to protect your children as much as possible by contacting other parents or appropriate school staff, you can’t always be at your child’s side to protect them. One thing you can do, however, is empower them to handle difficult situations when you’re not around.

Listen

It’s important to let your child talk, and not just to hear them talk, but to listen, pay attention, and ask questions. Make sure to set aside a quiet time for you and your child to calmly talk about the events of the day. Put out their favorite snack sit down and focus on them to find out how their day went. Be silent at times to encourage your child to be more forthcoming. Be patient, as your child may be ashamed, afraid, or embarrassed to talk to you about their experience being bullied. Reassure them that this is a safe place for them to share.

Talk

Ask open-ended questions to encourage your child to talk about their day. “What happened on the bus ride home today?” or “What did you do at recess?” “What friend did you sit with at lunch” “What was the best/worst part of your day?” Making time daily ( even 5-10minutes) for positive updates and uninterrupted talk allows children to feel more comfortable and more apt to share the harder things when they occur.

Support

Make sure your child knows that it’s not their fault they are being bullied. Let them know that they don’t deserve what’s happened, and that everyone deserves to feel safe and respected. Reassure them that they are not alone. Your child should know that you are always there for them and that bullying should not be tolerated at school or any other activity.

Try to not criticize the way they handled the situation or downplay their experience or emotions as this may discourage them from sharing in the future. Instead work with them on a plan that they can use should this happen again.

Empower

Empower your child by teaching them to look at the color of their friend’s eyes. Looking at their bully in the eye in this same manner will help them look up so they can appear and feel more confident. Help them practice words and phrases that they can use when they feel intimidated that empower them and may deter the bully such as “I wont let you talk to me that way” or “Stop now that’s not okay!” By role playing and practicing these at home in a safe environment they will likely feel more ready and prepared to use them in real life situations.

Bullying is an issue that doesn’t just affect children, it also affects adults. Throughout their lives your child will experience difficult people and situations. By learning at a young age how to best handle conflict, they will have a confidence and skill set that will benefit them for life.

If you or your child require additional help coping with bullying or harassment, you should seek out professional assistance from a licensed, trained clinician.

Call my office today so we can set up an appointment to talk 705-791-9165 your first consult is always free.

Filed Under: General, Parenting, Teens/Children

Isn’t My Child Too Young for Therapy? (Myth vs. Reality)

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As a parent, you want to do everything you can to protect your child from harm and make sure they grow up healthy and happy. You make sure they wear a bike helmet and knee pads, but if they do take a tumble and break an arm, you immediately seek medical attention.

Some “boo-boos” aren’t as noticeable as a broken bone, but these emotional wounds hurt just as bad. If left untreated, these emotional injuries can result in further problems as your child grows. This is where therapy comes in.

“But isn’t my child too young for therapy?” you might be wondering. In my practice, I have seen children as young as three years of age. Trauma and behavioral issues don’t have an age restriction, they can affect a child at any age.

Signs Your Child May Need Therapy

Instead of focusing on the age of the child, it’s better to address the particular problems he or she may be having. As the parent, you know your child best. While a friend or family doctor may tell you your child is just “going through a stage,” you may recognize that something seems… off or not-right. Trust your instincts.

With this in mind, here are some signs that may indicate a problem that may require specialized attention. Your child:

  • Is having trouble at school (grades, bullying others, talking back to teachers…)
  • Is attempting to injure themselves
  • Avoids family functions and ignores friends
  • Experiences frequent mood swings and/or extreme emotions (anxiety, angry outbursts)
  • Has difficulty concentrating
  • Had difficulty sleeping
  • Is eating far more or far less than before

This is by no means an exhaustive list but gives an indication of the kinds of behavior that may need addressing.

It is also important to mention that other things can be ruled out before you decide to give therapy a try. For instance, has your child had a full medical work-up recently? Her difficulties at school could be caused by an emotional disturbance, OR they could be caused by poor eyesight. His insomnia could be caused by anxiety, OR it could be the result of a biological issue that is causing him pain. Are you and your partner arguing more? Is your child’s behavior a natural response to an emotional situation at home?

Talk to Your Child About Therapy

While you may be worried your child is too young for therapy, your child may quite like the idea of talking to ‘someone special’ about how they feel. And, at the end of the day, your child is taking cues from you on how to feel about things. If you feel therapy has a certain stigma, your child will feel shame and not want to explore this option. But if you see therapy as beneficial, chances are your child will as well and be open to trying it.

Once you decide to explore treatment options, look for a therapist who specializes in helping very young children. They will most likely put an emphasis on art and play therapy, allowing your child to express themselves in a way that is natural for them.

Be sure to ask as many questions as necessary to select a therapist you feel comfortable with, and speak openly with your child about treatment so they can know what to expect.

If you believe your child may benefit from therapy and would like to speak about treatment options, please get in touch. I would be more than happy to see how I may help.

Filed Under: Teens/Children

How to Help Your Child Transition into a 2-Home Scenario After Divorce

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Going through a divorce can be a tumultuous time for any adult, and for children it can feel like their world is falling apart. It can be confusing for children to have two homes, particularly in the early stages of divorce. But there are ways to bring positivity and excitement to this change, while reducing your child’s stress significantly.

Provide Stability

Help your child adjust to the changes in your family by providing as much stability as possible. Having established routines and continuity between their two homes will help your son or daughter feel safe and secure. You don’t need to have a strict schedule, just routines that your child can expect when they wake up, before they go to bed and when they come home. For example, there’s always a bath or a story before bedtime, and a healthy snack when they get home. Resist the temptation to overcompensate by lavishing your child with gifts, or letting them get away with things they normally would not. Structure in your home will help your children feel calm and stable.

Ease The Transition

Help ease the transition for your children by having a neutral pickup and drop off spot, such as your child’s school. You can drop your son or daughter off at school in the morning, and your ex can pick them at the end of the school day. This also eliminates stress for the child and sad goodbyes. Children are very perceptive and will be keenly aware of any sadness, anger, or frustration you may be feeling if you drop them off at your ex’s new place.

Give Kids Choices

Allowing your child to have a say will help them feel empowered, lessening any feelings they may have about things being out of their control. Have them pick out a new bedspread or pillows to decorate their space, or ask them to decide on a special dinner over the weekend. You can make them their favorite meal, try something new, or they can choose a restaurant they’d like to go to.

Reduce Stress on Arrivals

You can help your child adjust to the changes between two homes by making their arrival from your ex’s house as positive and structured as possible. Come up with a special but simple routine for when they come home. Something pleasant and comforting, such as sharing a snack or playing a game. Resist the temptation to bombard them with questions; let them unwind and process the change in their own time.

Your child has two parents living in two separate homes, but they only have one childhood. By remaining a positive force in your child’s life and maintaining stability, you can help them transition into their new normal.

Are you struggling with divorce, and need the support and guidance of a licensed professional? I can help. Please give my office a call today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Family Therapy, Teens/Children

Don’t Get Mad, Get Involved: Helping Your Child with Class Behavioral Issues

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No parent likes hearing that their child is acting out in class. At first, most of us want to blame ourselves and figure out what we’ve done wrong. When we come up empty, we tend to put the blame on our child, and sometimes we even get angry.

The truth is, parents do the best they can and so do their children. There are a myriad of reasons why children act out at school.

Big Changes

A divorce, move to a new city, or death in the family are big life events that are hard on everyone. This is particularly true for young children who do not know how to express their feelings and have not yet developed coping mechanisms.

Sleep Issues

Has something happened to interrupt your child’s sleep patterns? Are they not getting their naps? Are they waking up frequently during the night from noisy neighbors or growing pains? Even adults act out when we don’t get proper sleep.

Self-Esteem Issues

Children develop self-esteem issues for different reasons, but one of the ramifications is changes in mood that can lead to disruptive behavior.

These are some of the reasons why your child may be acting out in school. But now the questions becomes, what can you do about it as their parent?

Talk to Your Child

First, see if you can pinpoint the cause. If it’s not something already listed, do some digging. Take your child to the doctor. Is their hearing and sight okay? Do they have any GI trouble? Are they being picked on? Are they getting enough exercise? Talk openly with your child and ask them what is going on.

Set Boundaries

If your child has never had any problems acting out in the past, they may not be clear on what is and is NOT acceptable behavior. Make it clear what you expect from that at home as well as school.

Seek Counseling

You may be able to identify and solve the issue yourself. For example, if your child was frustrated from their poor eyesight, a trip to the eye doctor may quickly solve your problems. However, if the behavioral issue stems from a big life change or poor self-esteem, you may need the assistance of a trained behavioral therapist.

If you have a child who is acting out in school and are interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Sources:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-behavioral/2018/07/8-reasons-why-your-child-might-be-having-prolonged-behavior-issues-that-arent-concerning/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/parenting-tips/2012/07/7-hints-for-setting-boundaries-with-your-kids/

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/children-medication.aspx

Filed Under: Anger, Teens/Children