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Samantha Barnes

How To Help Your Child Who Is Being Bullied

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Watching your child endure bullying and harassment from their peers is a difficult and painful experience for most parents. We want our children to be happy and healthy, and when they hurt, we hurt.

Whether they’re at school or just looking at Snapchat on their phones, it can be virtually impossible to try and intervene or attempt to stop bullying behavior. Although you can take steps to protect your children as much as possible by contacting other parents or appropriate school staff, you can’t always be at your child’s side to protect them. One thing you can do, however, is empower them to handle difficult situations when you’re not around.

Listen

It’s important to let your child talk, and not just to hear them talk, but to listen, pay attention, and ask questions. Make sure to set aside a quiet time for you and your child to calmly talk about the events of the day. Put out their favorite snack sit down and focus on them to find out how their day went. Be silent at times to encourage your child to be more forthcoming. Be patient, as your child may be ashamed, afraid, or embarrassed to talk to you about their experience being bullied. Reassure them that this is a safe place for them to share.

Talk

Ask open-ended questions to encourage your child to talk about their day. “What happened on the bus ride home today?” or “What did you do at recess?” “What friend did you sit with at lunch” “What was the best/worst part of your day?” Making time daily ( even 5-10minutes) for positive updates and uninterrupted talk allows children to feel more comfortable and more apt to share the harder things when they occur.

Support

Make sure your child knows that it’s not their fault they are being bullied. Let them know that they don’t deserve what’s happened, and that everyone deserves to feel safe and respected. Reassure them that they are not alone. Your child should know that you are always there for them and that bullying should not be tolerated at school or any other activity.

Try to not criticize the way they handled the situation or downplay their experience or emotions as this may discourage them from sharing in the future. Instead work with them on a plan that they can use should this happen again.

Empower

Empower your child by teaching them to look at the color of their friend’s eyes. Looking at their bully in the eye in this same manner will help them look up so they can appear and feel more confident. Help them practice words and phrases that they can use when they feel intimidated that empower them and may deter the bully such as “I wont let you talk to me that way” or “Stop now that’s not okay!” By role playing and practicing these at home in a safe environment they will likely feel more ready and prepared to use them in real life situations.

Bullying is an issue that doesn’t just affect children, it also affects adults. Throughout their lives your child will experience difficult people and situations. By learning at a young age how to best handle conflict, they will have a confidence and skill set that will benefit them for life.

If you or your child require additional help coping with bullying or harassment, you should seek out professional assistance from a licensed, trained clinician.

Call my office today so we can set up an appointment to talk 705-791-9165 your first consult is always free.

Filed Under: General, Parenting, Teens/Children

Parenting Plan: What Is It & What Should Be Included

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Divorce is painful for everyone involved. If you’re a parent going through a divorce, your biggest worry is probably how the kids will cope and how to make life as easy as possible for them after the divorce. Ending your marriage does not mean you stop parenting your kids. However, things are definitely going to change, which means you and your ex need to have a solid parenting plan.

What is a parenting plan?

A parenting plan is a document containing the agreements you’ve made with your ex concerning how you plan to raise your children.

Is a parenting plan necessary?

Making a parenting plan might feel strange, but it is absolutely necessary. A lot of changes happen during and after a divorce. Without a plan, these changes will be really difficult to deal with.

A parenting plan helps you anticipate important decisions you must make about your child(ren)’s lives. Here are some issues you must address in your parenting plan.

1. Living schedule- Detailing when and for how long each parent has the kid(s) helps to establish a routine for everyone. It’s also useful for planning activities. Having a detailed living schedule helps in cases of emergency. Including a holiday schedule will help you avoid fights over who gets to keep the kid(s) during special holidays or occasions.

2. Education- What schools will the child(ren) attend? Who attends school meetings? How are educational costs split? There are a lot of questions to answer and ensure the kid(s) education runs smoothly.

3. Medical issues- Determining how to handle medical decisions early on, will save you a lot of stress. Decide things like, whose consent is needed, how payment is made, the doctors they see, what happens in an emergency, ahead of time. This would help to reduce tension when there’s a crisis.

4. New relationships- Decide how to prepare your child(ren) if one parent starts seeing another person. Explore things like communication with the other parent, and how to communicate this change with the child(ren).

5. Travel- What happens when one parent travels with the child(ren)? How often are they supposed to communicate with the other parent? How long can they travel for? Is the other parent’s consent necessary? These are important questions to answer.

Who can help you make a parenting plan?

Creating the perfect parenting plan that takes the unique needs of your children into control, and meets your family’s needs as well is not an easy task. Working with a professional with the expertise to help you make the best decisions is essential.

This is where the child specialist comes in.

A child specialist is a mental health professional with great experience working with kids and families going through the divorce process. The child specialist provides the following services:

– Helps you understand the specific needs of your child(ren) based on their age and current scientific research.
– Helps your child(ren) state their wishes, and brings their perspective into the plan.
– Helps you develop essential co-parenting skills that reduce conflict.
– Helps you create a solid parenting plan.
– Helps your communicate your divorce to your child(ren) effectively.

If you require the services of a child specialist, I am available. Please contact me to book a session.

Filed Under: Family Therapy, Parenting

How to Lovingly Parent a Depressed Child

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Being a parent is the hardest job on the planet. But being a parent of a child with a mental illness can feel unbearable at times.

All parents want to do what’s right for their kids, but when your child is sick, either physically or mentally, the desire to “get it right” becomes even more intense.

If you are the parent of a child with depression, know there’s isn’t one “right way” to parent them. Having said that, here are some ways you can support and show you love your child on their way back toward the light.

Accept Your New Reality

For many parents, accepting that your child has a mental illness is extremely difficult. It is natural to want to deny the truth and pretend that everything is the way it was before the diagnosis. But invalidating reality will only make your child feel shame. Accepting the truth will help your family take the necessary steps to getting the right help.

Communicate Openly

Your child needs you now more than ever. They need to feel that they can talk to you when their world feels dark. Sit your child down and tell them they can come to you at any time for any reason. Let them know you could never be angry at them for how they feel. When they are ready to talk, listen closely and with an open mind and heart.

Help Their Body

It’s a fact that an unhealthy body effects the mind, especially with a mental illness in play. Help your child’s recovery by encouraging healthy eating habits. Limit sugar, bad fats, and caffeine intake. Make sure they get plenty of exercise. Invite them to go for a hike or bike ride with you. And finally, help them get enough sleep each night by setting firm bed times.

Talk to Them About Suicide

It’s a conversation no parent ever imagines they’ll have to have. But for the parent of a depressed child, the risk of suicide is a sad reality. Start the conversation with your child. Ask if they’ve ever thought about suicide. Asking these questions in an objective way allows your child to speak candidly with you and share their true thoughts and feelings with you.

And understand that there is no danger of a person planting a thought of suicide in someone else’s mind if it’s not already there.

Get Help

Though you can be a big support in your child’s life, you’ll need the help and guidance of a trained mental health therapist. Talk to your pediatrician for a referral. You can also get a referral from local support groups and friends and family.

If you or a loved one has a child suffering with depression, you are not alone. Please contact me to discuss treatment options.

Filed Under: Depression, Parenting