Greif and Loss Counselling in Barrie On
Grieving is deeply personal and complicated but you don’t have to do it alone.
Without a doubt dealing with a loss whether it be the loss of a loved one or any other significant loss (pet, home, financial, job, etc…) can be one of the most difficult challenges anyone faces in this lifetime. The complex set of emotions that follow loss can leave even the strongest of us feeling overwhelmed and defeated. Sadness, anger, guilt shame, and deep sorrow are just a few of the many deep emotions often felt during this time. There is no clear timeline or map to follow during this time, emotions come and go many of them making no sense at all. Grief can come in waves hitting you so hard that you think you may never get up again, leaving you wondering how life will ever be the same. Grief isn’t limited to mental and emotional struggles, you can feel the effects of grief physically as well. Physical exhaustion, sore muscles, stomach pains, and headaches can all occur.
So now what? How do you move through your day, your week, and the rest of your life with all this heaviness in your heart? There is no time frame for acceptable grieving, In counselling, we try to make space for these intense emotions to ensure that they are acknowledged and given the time needed to honor your loved one.
It’s important that in times of grief we give ourselves permission to feel all the feelings, This can often be complicated by others’ expectations of how we should be grieving. People are often other uncomfortable watching others grieve or simply don’t know how to process their own grief so they try to rush others through theirs. You may hear loved ones tell you, you need to move on, that it doesn’t do any good to keep talking or thinking about and that being sad isn’t healthy. In reality when we allow ourselves the proper time (this is unique to each person) to really sit with our feelings, feel them. explore them and express them in a safe place it can actually help us move through the grief process in a healthier way.
Your therapist will provide you with a safe and supportive space for you to sit with your grief and explore when and how you want to move through it. They can help you set healthy boundaries with family and friends and communicate your needs more effectively. You will be supported in working through your emotions and setting up a self care plan that meets your needs.
No one should tell you how to grieve. Grief has no time limit. There is no wrong way to grieve
Grief is not a problem to be solved…it is a process through which we learn to live through.
What not to say to a grieving loved one:
Anything that starts with At Least…
At least they didn’t suffer
At least their suffering is over
At least you got the time together you did
None of these are helpful to the grieving person. This is not the time to encourage anyone to be looking at the bright side of things. It is insensitive and dismisses the intense feelings of grief your loved one is experiencing actually making it harder for them to trust their own feelings.
Don’t compare losses or make someone else’s grief about you.
Now is not the time to compare grief stories. Everyone experiences and processes grief differently. It isn’t helpful for the grieving person to hear about how you processed your grief (unless they specifically asked). Statements like you should do this, or if you just think of it this way isn’t helpful and can create more stress for the grieving person, who may not have the capacity to process anything right now. Your timeline for your grief and healing is not a guideline for anyone else’s.
What should you say or do to support a loved one who is grieving?
Keep it simple…I am sorry for your loss.
I know how much you loved them
I am holding space for you, if you need someone to talk to I am here to listen ( listening doesn’t not been giving advice)
Share a story about the person who has passed. Sharing stories of love and laughter and how that person brought value to your life can be very comforting.
Get into action – do not rely on the grieving person to tell you what they need, they have enough on their plate. Instead. proactively do something. Cook some meals or drop off food gift cards, stop by and do their yard work, offer to pick up their kids to school/sports, etc…Be of service.