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Samantha Barnes

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4 Thoughts on Considering Couples Therapy

October 25, 2021 by Samantha Barnes

There are certainly more than 4 thoughts on considering couples therapy, however, most people recognize the ‘huge’ ones right away as being sexual, emotional or financial infidelity. These are often considered to be ‘the crisis’ that persuade couples to walk through a therapist’s door.

If We Had Only Gone Earlier…

Couples that have gone for counseling often state, ‘if only we had gone earlier – before matters got so bad, it would have simplified so many things.’ The feeling is that the issues may be more nuanced leading up to the crisis point. If this could have been recognized and talked through with some guidance, the relationship may have been strengthened more or even saved.

Ask the Question

One very important question to ask yourselves is, ‘If I could resolve this issue between us, why haven’t I already?’ Most people aren’t taught how a healthy relationship evolves – let alone how to maintain it. So don’t ever feel that it’s shameful needing to ask the experts for some guidance.

There are three sides to every story: her side, his side and the truth. A therapist as an objective third party is an excellent way to work through non-effective communication issues that may have developed over time.

A Therapist will agree that there are more than 4 thoughts on considering couples therapy, but each of these thoughts should be brought to the forefront of any discussion with your partner – or yourself.

If you’re having the same argument over and over again, you know that something is wrong. If you and your partner don’t change something this will most certainly keep happening. By allowing a therapist to listen to you both, you may gain a fresh view on the issue and be able to see things from a different perspective.

Have you Been Looking?

Have you been looking outside of your relationship for someone to talk to or even more – Considering Couples Therapy may save you huge heartache. This often happens if one partner is feeling lonely or not heard. It may be much smaller issues that lead to this crisis situation. Hence, therapy support earlier rather than later allows the process of healing to be much smoother.

Has There Been a Change?

Another huge stressor might be if there’s been a major transition in your lives. This could be anything from a cross-country move, a new job or new baby. Anything that disrupts the status quo can be challenging to adapt to. This is an excellent time to be considering couples therapy and speak to someone about the challenges that you’re facing and gain insight on each other’s feelings.

People change over time and not always in the same direction. Many things that you’ve always agreed on in the past might not be that way any longer. Things that you’ve never felt were that important may be more so now. Using a therapist is a wonderful way of gaining perspective and understanding of each other’s goals and values. The therapist will give both of you honest feedback and clear insight into how you could move forward as a couple.

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage

How to Help Your Child Transition into a 2-Home Scenario After Divorce

February 8, 2019 by Samantha Barnes

Going through a divorce can be a tumultuous time for any adult, and for children it can feel like their world is falling apart. It can be confusing for children to have two homes, particularly in the early stages of divorce. But there are ways to bring positivity and excitement to this change, while reducing your child’s stress significantly.

Provide Stability

Help your child adjust to the changes in your family by providing as much stability as possible. Having established routines and continuity between their two homes will help your son or daughter feel safe and secure. You don’t need to have a strict schedule, just routines that your child can expect when they wake up, before they go to bed and when they come home. For example, there’s always a bath or a story before bedtime, and a healthy snack when they get home. Resist the temptation to overcompensate by lavishing your child with gifts, or letting them get away with things they normally would not. Structure in your home will help your children feel calm and stable.

Ease The Transition

Help ease the transition for your children by having a neutral pickup and drop off spot, such as your child’s school. You can drop your son or daughter off at school in the morning, and your ex can pick them at the end of the school day. This also eliminates stress for the child and sad goodbyes. Children are very perceptive and will be keenly aware of any sadness, anger, or frustration you may be feeling if you drop them off at your ex’s new place.

Give Kids Choices

Allowing your child to have a say will help them feel empowered, lessening any feelings they may have about things being out of their control. Have them pick out a new bedspread or pillows to decorate their space, or ask them to decide on a special dinner over the weekend. You can make them their favorite meal, try something new, or they can choose a restaurant they’d like to go to.

Reduce Stress on Arrivals

You can help your child adjust to the changes between two homes by making their arrival from your ex’s house as positive and structured as possible. Come up with a special but simple routine for when they come home. Something pleasant and comforting, such as sharing a snack or playing a game. Resist the temptation to bombard them with questions; let them unwind and process the change in their own time.

Your child has two parents living in two separate homes, but they only have one childhood. By remaining a positive force in your child’s life and maintaining stability, you can help them transition into their new normal.

Are you struggling with divorce, and need the support and guidance of a licensed professional? I can help. Please give my office a call today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Family Therapy, Teens/Children


Phone: 705-791-9165
Sbarnes@sweetspotcounselling.com

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Samantha Barnes

Phone: 705-791-9165

Email: Sbarnes@sweetspotcounselling.com

Address: 205 Bayfield St Unit 100 | Barrie On, Canada L4M 3B4

 

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